Content at Home

Last night in my Marriage and Family class, Mrs. Tonya York spoke on joint spirituality in marriage. This topic is a sensitive topic because there is probably not a Christian woman who entered marriage without some form of expectation of her husband in leading their family spiritually. As Mrs. York pointed out, many of us have expectations of our husbands to be leading and initiating our family in devotions on a regular basis, to be intimately praying with us as wives, to bring up spiritual topics to talk about throughout the day.

However, she asked us to think in scripture about where we see this example worked out? What husband in scripture do we see sitting down every night to have “family devotions”? This does not mean that family devotions are a bad thing or that husbands and fathers should not initiate them. Yet, why is it that many Christian women feel that the spiritual maturity of their husbands lie in how they initiate such practices?

There are many men in scripture who had vibrant spiritual lives, served the Lord with vigilance, and loved their families, yet we do not see a specific “family devotion time” set in place. No doubt they spoke of the Lord continually with their families and taught them the ways of the Lord. We cannot forget Deuteronomy 6:4-9 which states:

“4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

We see in this passage that it is a Father (and Mother’s) job to teach their children diligently the ways of the Lord! This is not something to be taken lightly or to be shoved aside, or expected from their Sunday School teachers.

The problem is when we as wives begin to place expectations on our husbands that we then hold against him if he does not live up to them. We look away from our own personal walk with God and begin focusing on the “deficiencies” in our husband. (Of course, some of these “deficiencies” are maybe only expectations of ours, not necessarily mandates of the Lord.) We lose sight of the fact that our husband is on his own spiritual journey, one that the Holy Spirit is leading and directing. We cannot force our husbands into a mold that we have created. We as wives need to take our primary focus off what our husbands our doing with their spiritual life and look at our own walk. Are WE consistent in our times with God? Are WE consistent in prayer? Are WE consistent in teaching our children about God? Are WE consistent to bring up spiritual discourse with our families?

Mrs. York gave us a good example of how our spiritual journey as a couple should work. She said that we should both focus on our own personal relationship with the Lord and then as we each individually grow closer to God, our joint spiritual relationship will naturally begin to grow closer. It makes sense! As we begin to allow the Lord to be our primary focus our hearts and minds will be overjoyed with His grace, mercy, and love. That will eventually spill out into the way we talk, respond to situations, submit to our husbands, train our children, etc… We will more easily and readily begin to talk about what the Lord is teaching us and showing us in His word and in our daily lives. This will then promote “spiritual intimacy” with our husbands as we talk together. We cannot control our husbands; we can only control our own personal responses and decisions. As Mrs. York said, “The goal is that you get closer to God, not that your husband initiates.”

She shared with us Three Myths:

• Spiritual intimacy must be initiated by the husband.
• Spiritual intimacy is all about doing devotions together.
• Spiritual intimacy will make our relationship problem-free.

As a wife, we can with a submissive attitude and heart, initiate some spiritual dialog with our husbands. This is not to lord over them what we are learning or to come across puff-up or more spiritually mature. But in humbleness and meekness we can begin to open up and share with our husbands what God is teaching us. If your husband is not the type of man who opens up to you or leads in devotions or spiritual discourse, then maybe over time, as you open up to him, the Lord will begin to help him open up. Just be careful not to judge if it takes your husband a while to open up. We have to remember that the Lord is in charge of our husband’s spiritual maturity and growth, not us!

Our husbands can show spiritual intimacy with us when they pray for us, or when we do open up to them and they encourage us in what we are learning from scripture. One of the most encouraging things for me with my husband, Kyle, is that if I am ever struggling with something and ask him to pray for me, he is excellent about stopping right there and praying for me out loud. That is such a comfort to me when he does that and it was good to be reminded last night that that is an example of him taking the lead in spiritual matters in our home!

Spiritual intimacy, though it will affect and change our relationship as a couple, will not completely take away our sinful nature! We cannot hold to the expectation that our marriage will be perfect when… or that we will stop sinning once our husband finally steps up and leads us in our walk with the Lord… or we would pray more if our husband would just pray with us… No! We are responsible before the Lord for our own actions. We do not rest our spiritual growth on our husbands.

One of the obstacles that Mrs. York gave us to be aware of in thinking through this is that we as a couple have come from two different backgrounds. One spouse may have come from a believing home and one from a secular home. One spouse may have had a family that did “devotions” and the other spouse may have had a family that only went to church. We need to give grace to our spouse and again focus on our own relationship with the Lord and give over our expectations to God, allowing Him to work in our husband’s lives. Ultimately, wouldn’t we rather the Lord be the one to mold and shape our husbands into the godly men they should be?

Now, in case you all believe that I am not a supporter of family devotions, please do not hear me wrong! I think that family devotions can be a great and vital part of any Christian family. I believe that the husband should step up and lead his family in learning scripture, learning how to pray, learning to memorize passages, learning to read good books on doctrine, etc… However, I believe that we as American Christian Women can set our heights and standards so high for our husbands that they do not feel able to meet them. Instead of expecting our husbands to sit down at 6:00 every evening for devotion time and then being upset and disappointed if he is not able to, why don’t we look to scripture and see how scripture defines a man who loves God and is a godly husband? According to Deuteronomy, a husband should talk of the Lord throughout the day; when you sit, walk, lie down, and rise up. We should be looking for ways that our husband is initiating spiritual intimacy and praise him for it. Whenever he encourages you when you open up about your walk with God, thank him for his encouragement. Whenever he initiates praying with you or the children thank him for leading your family before the throne. Whenever he does open up about his walk, be careful to listen patiently, responding encouragingly only after he is finished, not interrupting or adding your own two cents.

Finally, Mrs. York gave some ideas to talk over with your husband, seeking to determine how it would work best for your family to grow together spiritually. For some people, it may mean that you start by just discussing the Sunday sermon over lunch on Sunday afternoon. For some couples, it may work for them to set down in the evening and read scripture together before bed. Some couples may enjoy the bond of memorizing the same scripture passage together. Also keep in mind that various seasons of life will need different goals for your family. We as women need to learn to be flexible and submissive to what our husbands deem appropriate for that particular season.

The point in all of this is not that we should not be growing together spiritually as husbands and wives, or that men should not step up and take leadership, the point is that we as wives need to accept our husbands as God has created them and gifted them, and not place them in some mold that our society has set up for them. Our husbands will grow in their courage and feeling of leadership when we humbly seek to encourage them where they are; not when we complain because they are not “leading” how we feel they should.

Ladies, let us never underestimate the power of prayer for our husbands. All of our husbands have areas to grow, just like us, and the best encouragement and support we can give them is to pray for them. Pray that God grows your husband into the man that He wants him to be, with the gifting and leadership style that He wants him to display. When are hearts our resting in the Lord to mature and grow our husbands, that is when we can truly accept our husbands just as they are… our knight in shining armor.

Earlier this month GirlTalk wrote a post about The Gospel for Busy Moms. However, what they have to say can apply to all of us. They have some great tips and resources listed on their post.

Be sure to check out their link for Gospel Scriptures.

Enjoy!

I started this book today by Nancy Leigh DeMoss: "Surrender: The Heart God Controls." It was given to me several years ago but I had not read it yet. Well, during my time with God this morning I began to ask Him to reveal to me areas in my life that I needed to work on. After finding some scripture references to begin memorizing, I began looking at my book shelves to see if there was a book that stood out that might deal with some of the areas that I'm struggling with. This one did. As I thumbed through the index, I realized that it would be an excellent book to devote time to.

As I've spent the afternoon and evening reading, it has not been in vain! Nancy DeMoss is very upfront and honest with the fact that a true believer is to lead a life of FULL surrender to the Lord, no questions asked! Many christians believe that they can "accept Christ" and then go about their lives living as they see fit. However, that is not what the Lord requires of us! Matthew 16:24-25 states pretty clearly what followers of Christ should do: "Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.'"

In chapter three, Nancy DeMoss gives a very good presentation of the difference in scripture between the terms "slave" and "servant," when referring to a Christian. As a Christian we are not servants ("a person employed to perform services... for another") of Christ but rather we are to be slaves ("[a] human being who is owned as property by and is absolutely subject to the will of another.") of Christ.

I was intrigued by her relaying of the Old Testament law for slaves. In Exodus 21:1-2, 5-6 it says: "Now these are the rules that you shall set before them. When you buy a Hebrew slave, he shall serve six years, and in the seventh he shall go out free, for nothing. But if the slave plainly says, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free,’ then his master shall bring him to God, and he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost. And his master shall bore his ear through with an awl, and he shall be his slave forever."

Nancy DeMoss says of this: "This was not merely a contractual agreement. This was not about being hired help. This was the act of a man who voluntarily said to someone he had come to know and love and trust, 'I am yours - I belong to you, and I want to spend my life fulfilling your wishes.... He was under no obligation to stay, but he wanted to stay - he loved his master and made a voluntary choice to become his master's bondslave." (pg.74)

However, here is where it gets really neat and exciting! She goes on to say: "The New Testament tells us that when the Lord Jesus came to this earth, He took "the form of a servant [δουλος- the lowest form of slave] (Philippians 2:7). In obedience to His Father's will and out of love for His Father - and for the bride and family His Father had given Him - He humbled Himself and offered Himself to be a bondslave, so He could deliver those who were in bondage to sin (Hebrews 2:10-18).... As far as we know, no one had ever opted to have his ear pierced in the ceremony described in Exodus 21 - until Christ came to earth!" (pg. 76)

Christ humbled Himself to the lowest form, a slave, so that He could redeem all that the Father had given Him. Oh what a wonderful truth and how my heart should sing praises to Him for His painful death on the cross in my place! He then rose again, defeating death, and offering eternal communion with Himself to me (and mankind).

If this truth does not stir us on to then be willing to commit our days on this earth in service to our King, what else will? We are to lead surrendered lives that desire only to serve God in EVERY aspect of life.

Nancy DeMoss shared several "letters/prayers" written to God by various people in history who sought to surrender their lives to God. One woman's prayer was very convicting to me. Betty Scott said: "Lord, I give up my own plans and purposes, all my own desires, hopes and ambitions, and I accept Thy will for my life. I give up myself, my life, my all, utterly to Thee, to be Thine forever. I hand over to Thy keeping all of my friendships; all the people whom I love are to take second place in my heart. Fill me now and seal me with Thy Spirit. Work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, for to me to live is Christ. Amen." (pgs. 61-62) When Betty Scott wrote this, she had no way of knowing how God would use her. About three years later, this woman, newly married with a baby just weeks old, would be taken with her husband by Communists and beheaded for their faith. She was 28 years old.

She was not much older than me, yet she had chosen for years to live a life fully surrendered to God. Wow!!! How inspiring and yet how convicting to me! This young woman had counted her costs and deemed it better to live and die for the Lord than to live a life entangled in this world. What a witness; what an example!

Are we ready and willing to surrender it all, no matter the cost?

Yesterday my Dad brought me Streams in the Dessert and showed me a devotion that really impacted his life at one point when he was really sick. I found it very encouraging so I wanted to share part of it on here with ya'll. It's a poem.

Is it wrong to be anxious? Is anxiety a sin? Well, according to scripture, it certainly appears to be! Let's look at a few scripture verses on this topic.

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Here, in Christ's own words, we are told to not be anxious! When we are anxious we tend to have our eyes focused on the trial or task at hand instead of our eyes being focused on the Lord.

Philippians 4:6-7 says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Being anxious about our situation robs us of the peace that we have in Jesus when we are willing to lay our desires and expectations down at His feet and trust Him through the circumstance!


I've been reading "Respectable Sins" by Jerry Bridges and in Chapter eight, where he deals with anxiety and frustration, he offers some good insights into anxiety:

"Anxiety is sin for two reasons.... First...anxiety is a distrust of God.... [it] is a sin also because it is a lack of acceptance of God's providence in our lives." (pg. 64)

John Newton wrote on anxiety and trusting God and Jerry Bridges shares a quote with us that I find very helpful:

"[One of the marks of Christian maturity which a believer should seek is] an acquiescence in the Lord's will founded in a persuasion of his wisdom, holiness, sovereignty, and goodness.... So far as we attain to this, we are secure from disappointment. Our own limited views, and short-sighted purposes and desires, may be, and will be, often over-ruled; but then our main and leading desire, that the will of the Lord may be done, must be accomplished. How highly does it become us, both as creatures and as sinners, to submit to the appointments of our Maker! And how necessary is it to our peace! This great attainment is too often unthought of, and over-looked; we are prone to fix our attention upon the second causes and immediate instruments of events; forgetting that whatever befalls us is according to his purpose, and therefore must be right and seasonable in itself, and shall in the issue be productive of good. From hence arise impatience, resentment, and secret repinings [i.e., complainings], which are not only sinful, but tormenting; whereas, if all things are in his hand, if the very hairs of our head are numbered; if every event, great and small, is under the direction of his providence and purpose; and if he has a wise, holy, and gracious end in view, to which everything that happens is subordinate and subservient; - then we have nothing to do, but with patience and humility to follow as he leads, and cheerfully to expect a happy issue.... How happy are they who can resign all to him, see his hand in every dispensation, and believe that he chooses better for them than they possibly could for themselves!" (pg. 66)

How wise is John Newton!!! We must submit all of our desires, all of our expectations, and all of our control to the Lord, willingly and cheerfully waiting patiently for God's perfect will to be done in our lives!